Dear Friends,
I have recently re-joined social media (for the fourth time, that’s how I roll I guess). Scrolling through posts makes me wonder how people obsessed with pointing out “the worst” about other people can also be so annoying themselves. There’s an epidemic of hypocrisy and there’s no vaccine, just the chemicals under our sink which may be a good option at this point. This month’s “Little List: 10 Trendy Ways To Be Annoying But Think You’re Not Annoying in 2021” is a list of things that bother me, most of which I do or have done myself, otherwise how could I claim to be a millennial.
This month’s “Big List: My Steptale Life” unpacks how being a stepparent before I was a parent makes me slightly more tolerable as a mother and person. Slightly.
Thanks for reading. Please forward this to all the people in your life whom you think are the most hypocritical, as a gift to me. It’s the most you can do.
Yours but also mine,
KR
Little List: 10 Trendy Ways To Be Annoying But Think You’re Not Annoying in 2021
Have you heard? Hypocrites are in! We’re the best and the worst, at all the times. Don’t miss out. Jump on board and then tell everyone how you swam beside the boat. Turns out, we’re all annoying in our own ways and the key to keeping it that way is blaming everyone else. Run, don’t walk, we’re running out of time to waste!
Here’s what’s trending now for how to make everyone talk shit about you behind your back, while talking the same shit about them:
Don’t hold yourself to any reasonable standards of emotional maturity because your therapist says that you're “allowed to feel ____” and make your family/friend’s lives a living hell because you’re a dick but allowed to be a dick.
Act completely aghast when people haven’t seen your favourite show/movie/stand up special that’s actually pretty obscure and only streaming on Hulu and in French and secretly isn’t your favourite anyway.
Only use social media because it’s a part of how you’re “building your brand” and tell everyone how much you hate it and then lay in bed fantasizing about your posts going viral, while unsuccessfully building your brand.
Adopt the mantra “I hate people” while desperately needing the approval of all people, especially the ones you hate.
Participate in a march or rally for something you don’t know much about but “obviously support” and then make sure someone else posts a picture of you there. Repost that picture (don’t be an amateur and post it yourself - REPOSTS ONLY) and consider your social justice work done for the year.
Have a revelation after drinking a really good bubble tea/almost dying/watching a sunset that nothing really matters except being kind, and then discriminate against anyone who doesn’t have the same beliefs as you, especially your oldest family members who just need a hug.
Pursue your true passion like carpentry or cooking or telling jokes and then let someone convince you’re special and that people could benefit from hearing your story and then self-publish a book about how you only did what you loved and everything worked out, making the rest of us wonder why living a simple life while also making a living somehow feels impossible.
Have a middle-upper class upbringing and pass it off as a “tough youth” because you’ve “been working since you were 14” but that work was mostly internships your Dad got you. Alternatively, write a children’s book that the world doesn’t need, which is any children’s book written by someone who doesn’t exclusively write children’s books.
Make fun of yourself for talking about your therapist all the time and then never stop talking about your therapist, even to your therapist who is also sick of you.
Bring a reusable mug to a coffee shop and act smug - sMUG - towards anyone who doesn’t and then go home to your three-story pile of Amazon boxes you’re too embarrassed to put out in the recycling.
*For Extra Points* Think for a while tonight about how, though you’re “super guilty” of doing some of the things on this list, you’re definitely not annoying because [INSERT ANY REASON HERE]. Don’t worry, even if you do these things, you’re probably the one exception to all rules.